In general, reading my books is a matter of seeing one word after another.
If your local bricks and mortar bookstore doesn’t have a copy of the book you’re looking for, you can: (a) ask why the hell not, (b) show the clerk or manager the listing for the book on one of the many online booksellers where it can be found and order it while s/he gasps in horror, or (c) tell them they can order the book from their Ingram catalog in the same manner that got all the other books into the building (unless they rely on elves).
If you don’t know the names of any of my books don’t admit it to any other writers since some of those writers might have “mob enforcers” who will teach you a lesson.
If you’re in a literature class taking a test, you’ll probably see questions like this: Which of the following books was written by Malcolm?
- The Great Gatsby
- A Visit from the Goon Squad
- Still Life With Woodpecker
- Fate’s Arrows
- All of the above
- None of the above
- One, two, and three above
If the book cover shown here appears on the test, you’ve “accidentally” gotten the professor’s grading copy; your next step depends on (a) whether or not the professor or a grad student monitor is sitting at the front of the room staring at you, (b) the number of security cams in the room, (c) the size of the mob enforcers patrolling the aisles, or (d) dumb luck.
Once you have a hardcover, paperback, or Kindle/Nook copy of my book in front of you, it’s best to start reading from the beginning unless you’re one of those creeps who goes to the back of the book first to see if anything bad or scary happened.
Before you start reading, hire a mob enforcer to keep anyone from messing with you (or else).
Feel free to drink while reading the book. I suggest Scotch or red wine. Getting drunk will probably cause you to say I wrote The Great Gatsby on the next pop quiz. (If the book in front of you ends with the line “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past,” you are reading The Great Gatsby and that means the book store or the mob enforcer is messing with you.)
While this getting started guide was prepared at great expense, it’s free for you, “gentle reader.”
Malcolm or Bennie Salazar or Gulietta







Before I lived in the country, I always wondered why so many roadside mailboxes were messed up. Everyone said the cause was mailbox baseball, you know, driving down the road in a pickup and smashing mailboxes with a bat. Our mailbox has been busted twice, first by a semi-truck that was too big for the road pulling out and knocking it off with a side mirror. The second was the right-of-way mowers who ran into it with their tractor. Now I understand why some folks build brick structures that enclose their mailboxes. This time the thing is skewed and no amount of bending will twist it back into shape so the door will close. I guess I’m going to the hardware store tomorrow.
Another nice review from
Wow, both of our cars are working at the same time. One is a GM product and one is a Ford product. My wife and I grew up on opposite sides of the great divide between GM families and Ford families. We inherited the Ford at about the same time our 1997 Saturn finally stopped working a few years ago. We’re old school: that means we don’t buy foreign cars.
We watched an interesting Walter Winchell documentary on TV last night, wondering how many people today have a clue who that is. He was a real presence on radio, TV, and the newspapers when I was growing up. Hung out at the Stork Club (well!). Personally, I think he would fit in with today’s agenda-driven reporting.
