Category: writing

‘They’ are coming for your grits

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn satire, writing5 Comments

Rolling Fork, Mississippi, May 5, 2023, Star-Gazer News Service – While nobody knows for sure who “they” are, it was announced here today in the Mississippi Delta that “they” are coming for your grits, the sacred boiled cornmeal that defines the soul of everything holy from the from deep Texas to the outlier suburbs of the nation’s capital.

Grits1.jpgThey already came for your guns, your books, and your gas stoves, but that wasn’t enough, according to Libertarian Think tanks, to subdue the remains of the South, the fall-guy region for everything “they” claim is wrong with this country. To subdue the South, “they” also needed the food that defines the South, the precious gift from the Mvskoke Nation in time out of mind.

“They” don’t precisely know what grits are, but most of “them” saw the movie “True Grit” and think that Mattie and U.S. Marshall Rooster Cogburn ate grits three times a day to get their courage and their resolve, the last things “they” want fueling Southern men and women in a day and time when “they” prefer differing points of view to be banned because points of view make some people uncomfortable.

Grits Commissioner Ned Pepper told reporters that grits trucks would begin “raking in grits” at every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse, and doghouse where grits are suspected to be stored on July 4th, 2023.

“We’re going to get your grits because the country can no longer abide a food considered ‘Coarse meal’ any more than we can abide coarse words or ideas that make anyone uncomfortable,” Pepper said.

According to informed sources at the Grit Commission Office, people, in general, are scared of grits and believe they are delivered to addicted Southerners in conjure bags after being hexed by Satan’s minions in piney woods hoodoo rituals that defy recent revisions to the Bill of Rights that allow “they/them” to interpret the country’s raison dêtre more creatively than the Founding Fathers thought possible.

“We’re going to become a homogenized hashed browns nation from the redwood forest to the Gulf Stream waters,” they said.

–Story by Jock Stewart, Special Investigative Reporter.

PEN AMERICA: REMOVAL OF ART EXHIBIT ON FLORIDA CAMPUS SHOWS THE STATE AGAIN EXERTING CONTROL OVER FREE EXPRESSION

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn Florida, writing

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

April 24, 2023
(NEW YORK) – PEN America expressed disappointment today over another incident in which a Florida campus removed an art exhibit last month that explored the topic of prison abolition. PEN America said the free exchange of ideas should be “paramount” on college campuses.

University of Florida seal.svgThe exhibit at the University of Florida was taken down, after administrators said they wanted to clarify that the art represented the views of the artist, not the university. After the exhibit was taken down, the building was vandalized with “Fuck off, fascists” written on the plywood over a shattered window. In turn, the university displayed a sign next to that graffiti saying, “This is artists’ speech, not UF speech.”

In response to the removal, PEN America’s senior manager of free expression and education Kristen Shahverdian, said: “It’s disappointing to see yet another removal of art on a Florida campus this year based on its political subject. While it is always acceptable for a university to denounce a political view that runs counter to their mission or values, it is absurd that anyone would confuse a gallery exhibit, let alone graffiti, with a university’s official positions. It is unfortunate to see university administrators order an art show taken down, without respect to artistic freedom; this is even more worrisome amid other recent art cancellations and the growing efforts to exert government control over expression state-wide. A wide range of artistic expression must be allowed on college campuses, where the free exchange of ideas is paramount.”

This kind of crap is getting really old.

Feds say they’re solving global warming with ice cubes.

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn satire, writing

Washington, D. C., April 21, 2023, Star-Gazer News Service–“We’re not taking coals to Newcastle, we’re taking ice cubes to the Artic to lower temperatures, stop rapidly melting snow and ice, and put an end to the rising sea levels,” Homeland Security Deputy for Hail Mary Causes Bill Smith told reporters here today.

According to the department’s website, the original plan was mounting air conditioners on top of pack ice,  but scientists vetoed the idea due to classified logistics problems. Planners said that adding ice to ice made more sense.

President Joe Biden kicked off the plan by throwing the first “ice to the Artic” cube out the window of Air Force One late last night.

“It was better than starting the baseball season by throwing out the first call at Wrigley Field,” he said.

Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre downplayed the President’s purported disappointment after he received an e-mail from Barack Obama that said, “Say it ain’t so, Joe.”

“He used to hear that a lot when he was Vice President,” the press secretary said.

Project managers said that the ice cubes are not, as some Republicans have suggested, coming from the freezer of an old Frigidaire in the basement of the White House.  They are, in fact, being harvested from existing glaciers around the world and transported to drop zones by retrofitted DC-3 aircraft.

Volunteers at coastal communities that are viewed as the greatest risk, are measuring the mean sea level daily to help Homeland Security chart the progress of the project.

“We’re determined to save the planet with ice cubes,” said Smith, “even if hell has to freeze over first.”

-30-

Story filed by Jock Stewart, Special Investigative Reporter

David Mamet’s 1992 film ‘The Water Engine’

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn Film, writing2 Comments

“The Water Engine is an American historical drama television film directed by Steven Schachter and written by David Mamet, based on his 1977 play of the same name. The film stars Patti LuPone, William H. Macy, John Mahoney, Joe Mantegna, and Treat Williams. It was released on TNT on August 24, 1992.” – Wikipedia

Set in Chicago during the 1934 “Century of Progress” World’s Fair, this is the most brilliantly written and haunting movie I have ever seen. The film was part of a TNT Screenworks series of dramas from widely known playwrights.

The protagonist is a struggling inventor who, in his off-work hours, creates an engine that runs on water. However, when he tries to patent it and figure out how to sell it, big industry moves in and stops the project, leaving Lang (Macy) and his invalid sister Rita (LuPone) as casualties along the road of thwarted possibilities. The irony of their plight–as the world is celebrating progress at the World’s Fair–drives the playwright’s intent into the viewers’ hearts like a sharp knife. Throughout the film, we hear “background” announcements from the public address system of the Century of Progress exhibition.

In his 1992 Washington Post review, Tom Shales wrote, “Mamet, who adapted his 1976 work for television, subtitled it ‘An American Fable,’ but ‘Anti-American Fable’ might be more accurate. It’s a bleak downer about a little man living in the Great Depression who invents an engine that needs only water as fuel and how the American industrial establishment rushes in to crush him under its mighty heel.”

The film isn’t listed in the TNT archive,  so the company’s rights must have been limited to the premier. That leaves us–apparently–with no TV channel or streaming service (that I can find) showing the film. Sad, because like the engine, the film is too good to lose.

–Malcolm

Too much “news” these days comes from the port butter cutter

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn writing

On a navy ship, the port butter cutter was the mythical source of the useless scuttlebutt that made its way up and down the passageways faster than a sailor could run for his general quarters station.

Three running men carrying papers with the labels "Humbug News", "Fake News", and "Cheap Sensation".These days, I suspect much of the “news” that we think is true, and therefore believe as gospel, comes from a similar source, probably some deranged blogger who lives on the port coast.

Since I was born in California, I can say that most weird, mistaken, or otherwise strange news and ideas come from what used to be a wonderful place to live before the state invented government overreach.

I’m amazed by the number of sources one has to track down on the Internet to get what we used to call “the straight scoop.” Most people don’t bother. Many even admit that they listen to the biased source they like rather than any mainstream diet of beans, bullets, and black oil.

If you get your news from the Yahoo home page, you’ll be the first to know what celebrity posed nude somewhere or “rocked” the latest in see-through clothing would that put a liberty town bar girl to shame. These clothes aren’t cutting edge. I saw it all during the Vietnam War but neglected to tell my mother about it.

Other websites specialize in one-sided reports about how inept the President is and or how inept those who don’t like the President are. Why can’t we put these “news” casters (bent shit cans) who report this kind of bilge on an ice floe bound for the tropics during hurricane season? On the floe, they could cast all the spoilt bait they want.

“News” these days has become rather like hotdogs. You don’t even want to ask what it’s made of. I think my journalism degree would prevent me from being hired at a lot of the port butter cutters that comprise what’s left of the fourth estate. My credentials include “swears like a sailor.” That won’t get me a job at CNN or FOX, though it should.

–Malcolm

Those who get to know me (and few are crazy enough t try) know that I’m very much like the Jock Stewart character in my novel Special Investigative Reporter.

PEN AMERICA CEO: PROTECTING FREE SPEECH ON COLLEGE CAMPUSES ESSENTIAL TO PRESERVING ACADEMIC FREEDOM

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn Threats to Press Freedom, writing2 Comments

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

March 29, 2023

(WASHINGTON) — Today, PEN America CEO Suzanne Nossel (pictured here) testified before the House Committee on Education & the Workforce’s hearing, “Diversity of Thought: Protecting Free Speech on College Campuses.”

Nossel testified that protecting free speech on college campuses is essential to preserving the academic freedom and institutional autonomy necessary for universities to continue to serve as incubators of democratic citizenship.

Suzanne Nossel“Students often lack awareness of the First Amendment or the precepts of academic freedom, sometimes believing that the best answer to noxious ideas is to drown them out, or to call on university authorities to shut them down,” Nossel said in her opening statement. “At PEN America we argue that the essential drive to render American campuses more diverse, equitable, and inclusive need not – and must not – come at the expense of robust, uncompromising protections for free speech and academic freedom.”

In response to Ranking Member Robert Scott’s (VA-03) question regarding enacted laws restricting what can be taught in schools, Nossel stated:

“A principle is not a principle if it is not applied to all equally. To cherry pick certain ideas, certain course materials, certain theories and say, ‘these are out of bounds,’ that’s the core of what the First Amendment protects against – viewpoint-based discrimination, the notion that the government would be listing out particular topics, subjects of discussion, aspects of curriculum, and saying they are out of bounds.

Read Nossel’s full remarks here and watch the full hearing video here.

–

My father and mother were both journalists and journalism teachers. This means I grew up respecting the first amendment and supporting it at all costs, most often against our own government, and–when schools are involved–parents who believe their own personal comfort levels should supersede a teacher’s lesson plans and assigned books.

–Malcolm

Some of my best experiences were co-teaching journalism courses at Florida junior colleges with my father. I still learn from his textbooks even though technology has made the methods out of date.

Sunday’s Goulash

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn Potpourri, writing

Gulyas080.jpgIt’s an affront to those of us who like Goulash (photo) to see that Americans are still messing it up by throwing pasta into it and (sometimes) calling it slumgullion. If you know where I live, don’t bring any of that swill to my house when I’m already under the weather. Also, please don’t bring over anything made with the weird ingredients that routinely appear on the “Chopped” television show. If you do, you’ll be chopped. My 2¢.

  • I’m enjoying re-reading The Overstory by Richard Powers. The Pulitzer-prize-winning novel is described as a “sweeping, impassioned work of activism and resistance that is also a stunning evocation of—and paean to—the natural world.” Next on my list (finally) is Cloud Cuckoo Land which is, according to the New York Times, “wildly inventive, a humane and uplifting book for adults that’s infused with the magic of childhood reading experiences” The book came out several years ago and it’s taken me this long to get around to it.
  • What a Sunday morning mess in LaGrange Georgia, struck by a  strong tornado this morning. Unfortunately, there’s a chance for more severe weather tonight and early tomorrow at this community 67 miles southwest of Atlanta. According to CNN, “No fatalities were immediately reported, but at least three people were injured in the storm.” We’ve had heavy rain here in NW Georgia but are out of the danger area.
  • If the rain stays away, I need to go out after supper and see if the In lawn mower will start. Probably not.
  • In my work-in-progress, the characters are arguing about whether places can be haunted. I say “no,” but then I can’t be sure, can I?
  • On the other hand, I’ll mention in a bit of shameless promotion that I do have a book of ghost stories available. Some of them might be true.

–Malcolm

‘Hello Beautiful’ by Ann Napolitano

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn books, writing

Hello Beautiful, by Ann Napolitano (March 2023) has been chosen as the 100th selection by Oprah’s Book Club. Of the book, Oprah said, “I’m telling you, once you start, you won’t want it to end…and be prepared for tears.”

According to Book Browse News, “Maybe it was fate, maybe it was the meddling of a higher power with a wicked sense of humor. Either way, Ann Napolitano was taking out the garbage when Oprah Winfrey called to tell her that her novel, ‘Hello Beautiful,’ is the 100th selection for what is arguably the most influential book club in the world.

“Napolitano was so afraid of losing the connection that she stood stock-still in the tiny vestibule of her Park Slope apartment building, clutching her bag of trash, for the duration of the 27-minute call.”

From the Publisher

“William Waters grew up in a house silenced by tragedy, where his parents could hardly bear to look at him, much less love him—so when he meets the spirited and ambitious Julia Padavano in his freshman year of college, it’s as if the world has lit up around him. With Julia comes her family, as she and her three sisters are inseparable: Sylvie, the family’s dreamer, is happiest with her nose in a book; Cecelia is a free-spirited artist; and Emeline patiently takes care of them all. With the Padavanos, William experiences a newfound contentment; every moment in their house is filled with loving chaos.

“But then darkness from William’s past surfaces, jeopardizing not only Julia’s carefully orchestrated plans for their future but the sisters’ unshakeable devotion to one another. The result is a catastrophic family rift that changes their lives for generations. Will the loyalty that once rooted them be strong enough to draw them back together when it matters most?

“An exquisite homage to Louisa May Alcott’s timeless classic, Little Women, Hello Beautiful is a profoundly moving portrait of what is possible when we choose to love someone not in spite of who they are, but because of it.”

Her 2021 novel Dear Edward is an Apple TV+ series starring Connie Britton.

–Malcolm

Malcolm R. Campbell is the author of magical realism and contemporary fantasy stories and novels.

Online harassment remains high, but there’s help

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn Online Abuse, writing

“Roughly four-in-ten Americans have experienced online harassment, with half of this group citing politics as the reason they think they were targeted. Growing shares face more severe online abuse such as sexual harassment or stalking.” – Pew Research: The State of Online Harassment (Click on the link to read the report.)

Pew Research defines online harassment as:

  • Offensive name-calling
  • Purposeful embarrassment
  • Stalking
  • Physical threats
  • Harassment over a sustained period of time
  • Sexual harassment

Online Harassment Field Manual“Whether you’re experiencing or witnessing online abuse, this Field Manual offers concrete strategies for how to defend yourself and others. We wrote this guidance with and for those disproportionately impacted by online abuse: writers, journalists, artists, and activists who identify as women, BIPOC, and/or LGBTQIA+. Whatever your identity or vocation, anyone active online will find useful tools and resources here for navigating online abuse and tightening digital safety.” – PEN America

Launched in 2018, the field manual offers tips in two general areas, “Safety and Security” and “Community and Counterspeech.”  The manual will teach you how to (a) Prepare for online abuse, (b) Respond to online abuse, (c) Practice Self-Care, (d) Review legal considerations, (e) Request and Provide Support, and (f) Learn about what constitutes online abuse.

PEN provides a list of additional resources here.

PEN considers writers at risk to be a separate focus issue. “PEN America and its Members advocate on behalf of writers at risk globally, rallying to their defense and promoting the freedom to write through direct support, advocacy, and behind-the-scenes assistance. PEN America also tracks detained writers in its annual Freedom to Write Index, and catalogues historic cases in the Writers at Risk Database.” Learn more here.

In an article several years ago on The Conversation “Fighting online abuse shouldn’t be up to the victims,” the author said, “Perhaps the most important element to addressing online harassment is behaving like it is happening in the ‘real world.’ Abuse is abuse. Online spaces are created, shaped and used by real humans, with real bodies and real feelings.”

I agree with that and believe none of us should sit alone at our phones and computers and suffer from online bullying in silence.

–Malcolm

Don’t put all your research into the book

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn writing2 Comments

For years, people have made fun of The Da Vinci Code for containing so many mini-lectures about subjects having to do with the Holy Grail. I suppose Dan Brown thought readers wouldn’t understand the plots and themes without all the background material. I thought it was distracting.

A laptop computer next to archival materialsI just finished another book by an author I like whose main character kept calling an expert about cults in an attempt to learn which ones are harmless and which ones aren’t. I don’t really think the extended information advanced the story. The information did relate to the plot, but it didn’t need to be in the book.

It’s almost as though the author became fascinated by cults and decided that the reader would also be fascinated by them. Not really. And, if so, we know how to use Google, the library, and the resource books available at Amazon and elsewhere.

When an author does this, critics often say “your research is showing.” Some critics even might suggest that the author wanted an excuse to talk about, say–cults, and wrote a novel to include what s/he had learnt about them. How much is too much. That’s a hard call to make. The detail can add ambiance while making the plot more understandable.  And yet, you don’t want readers to feel like they’re reading a research paper.

Lack ops books are famous for including a ton of information about weapons and weapons systems. Perhaps publishers and readers demand it. I like black ops novels but usually, skim over the weapons’ specifications. They don’t matter to me.

Every genre seems to have reader expectations about this kind of detail. Books about famous battles are, of course, historical novels and are expected to provide that history. Other books are, I think, better suited to using a lighter touch.

–Malcolm

Malcolm R. Campbell is the author of “At Sea,” a Vietnam war novel set on board an aircraft carrier on which he served during that war. I included research-type information for background but kept it within the confines of what sailors in that situation would actually say in conversation. The cover picture comes from a photograph I took of the aircraft carrier’s flight deck.