Catty Definitions

    Catacomb – Grooming implement used to remove prospective fur balls from the exterior of a cat before they find their way inside the cat where they become yucky prior to being left on the rug while important guests are over for dinner.
    Catafalque – Actor Peter Falk’s pet.
    Catalog – Any unattended pencil left on any unattended surface in a room with one or more unattended cats.
    Catalyst – Position of a cat just before it tips over.
    Catamaran – A maran chicken running from your cat.
    Cat and Fiddle – Gossiping while playing the violin.
    Catastrophe – Any dead animal left on the doorstep by your cat which you are expected to bring inside and proudly display with the other wonders in the trophy case.
    Catapult – Means by which the cat got the remainder of a dangling piece of thread out of the sewing basket.
    Catbird – Your canary inside your cat.
    Catboat – Any vessel free of rats and canaries.
    Cat box – Sport involving one or more mail cats, often in an alley.
    Cat-call – Any of various silly sounds cat owners make while trying (usually in vain) to coax their cats back inside.
    Categorize – Method through which your cat sorts the contents just spilled out of a purse.
    Catgut – Processing area for Cat o’mountains.
    Cathode – Poem written by a lisping cat.
    Catnip – Love bite from your pet.
    Cat-ice – The round things that glow in the dark when tabby is near.
    Cat o’mountain – What you find in the litter box if you forget to clean it out for a couple of weeks.
    Cat o’ nine tails – Tom cat with his harem.
    Catsup – Ketchup thrown up by a cat.
    Cat’s Cradle – What unattended thread or string turns into while the cats are playing with it.
    Cat’s Pajamas – Any shawl or lap blanket draped over a human in a living room chair, usually during a TV show on a cold night.
    Cat’s Paw – Tabby’s daddy.
    Catwalk – Shortest possible route between the food bowl and the litter box.

–Author of the satire Jock Stewart and the Missing Sea of Fire, Malcolm R. Campbell lives in a house with four cats.

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