Does anyone know how the Russians are meddling in U.S. elections?

I haven’t seen any evidence of it, but then maybe it’s really subtle and/or maybe I’ve been brainwashed.

Some people say Russia is putting ads on Facebook that are filled with disinformation that purportedly makes Democrats look bad and Republicans look good. Okay, let’s suppose that’s true. My response tends to be, “So what.”

Seeing an ad, from Russia or anyone else, doesn’t automatically make me believe it, much less take any action. I still have freedom of choice, so I can’t figure out how Russian-placed ads (if there are any) are any more harmful/helpful than any other political ads.

Or, have I simply missed the boat here?

Now, if the Russians are hacking into our election software, that’s another kettle of borsch. Somebody messed up big in Iowa, but I don’t think the Russians caused it. My wife and I used to write custom software for a living: we were talking about this last night and we are truly happy that we didn’t write any caucus reporting software for anyone.

At my age, I’m cynical about a lot of things it’s probably pointless to be cynical about. But I’m not worried about the Russians trying to influence my vote. When it comes to cynicism, I’m more concerned about the U. S. government spying on me than the Russians: NSA, FISA courts, Patriot Act, oh my.

In terms of the election, the Russkies–as we called them during the cold war–aren’t even on my RADAR. Neither is Putin.  I’m more concerned about finding a viable candidate I like who can win rather than worrying about mudslinging no matter where it originates.

What about you? Can you decide who to vote for without the Russians’ help? I’m pretty sure you can.

–Malcolm

Malcolm R. Campbell is the author of the satirical novel “Special Investigative Reporter.”

 

 

Russia Hacks WordPress Spam Queues, Distributes Viagra ads to Vatican

Moscow, January 13, 2017, Star-gazer News Service–Red faced officials at Federal’naya sluzhba bezopasnosti Rossiyskoy Federatsii (FSB) confessed today that their hacker bots “went awry” and offloaded millions of dormant WordPress spam queue ads for Viagra, condoms, and sex toys and massaged them into Vatican servers where “computer systems became stuck in limbo.”

According to insiders who were not authorized to admit they were insiders, FSB director Alexander Bortnikov was unavailable for comment because he was personally reading every one of the spam posts to “learn more about helpful products for anyone who might be impotent.”

The Vatican told reporters “we are not amused.”

Putin mobilizes fleet to search for sex bots.
Putin mobilizes fleet to search for sex bots.

Putin complained that the hacker bots were built in North Korea and were guaranteed personally by boss man Kim Jong-un who said, “sometimes Vladimir Vladimirovich (Putin) and I get our panties in a wad about the same things. Strange but true. And, as we say in our butt of the woods, ‘Aneun gildo muleogara’ (Even if you know the way, ask one more time.)”

Putin sent a dozen, long-stemmed red roses to the Pope with a card that said, “Lighten up, sweetheart, and start Putin on the Ritz.”

According to Take-a-Leaks, the Russian nonprofit that steals documents without a warrant and shows them to people who aren’t supposed to see them, “We do not have any direct dealings with Mr. Putin or Mr. un, so we are in the clear even though we may have inadvertently sent copies of the critically important information to ‘Weekly Reader,’ ‘Highlights for Children,’ and ‘Watchtower.'”

Various and sundry security agencies in the United States told Congress that “in light of everything that may have happened lately, this is a real hoot for Friday the 13th. We knew somebody somewhere would get caught with their pants down, we just weren’t sure who. Now we can breathe a sigh of relief that it wasn’t us.”

Industry spokesmen said that unauthorized erections were up 20%.

Story by Jock Stewart, Special Investigative Reporter