Feds outlaw smart people

Washington, D. C., January 18, 2022, Star-Gazer News Service: In an attempt to keep everyday citizens from knowing more than U.S. Senators and Representatives, the government announced here today that the country will no longer tolerate smart people.

No Longer Needed

Informed sources told reporters that the metrics are yet to be finalized, but the thinking–such as it is–will be that an average IQ is good enough, especially for government work. The White House has defined that average as a score between 85 and 115.

“We think that’s good enough,” said Jimmy Crack Corn, the newly appointed Boss Man of the newly created IQ Monitoring Service.

According to Crack Corn, the government spent the last 20 years analyzing the optimum IQ levels for government service and concluded that anything higher than 115 creates “the kind of mess we’re facing now.”

“Being too smart creates a clusterf_ck in the halls of Congress as well as the executive branch,” Crack Corn said.

According to the government study, smart people are too smart for their own good, much less the good of the country because they see at least fifty shades of grey in every question or idea and, therefore, are unable to create meaningful laws and policies.

The White House said that the government didn’t anticipate, at least not yet, actually killing smart people or placing them in prisons or asylums, but preferred to keep destroying the educational system and watering down the Bill of Rights so that a new “optimum IQ” evolves naturally.

Dr. Gerald Simpson, CEO of the America First Think Tank said, “Twenty years from now, most of us won’t even know what we’re talking about.”

The President signed the legislation creating the new “dumb down America rules” even though he didn’t understand it, the White House said.

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Story by Jock Stewart, Special Investigative Reporter