On election nights, I want all those talking heads to shut up

All I need is a scorecard as the polls close.

Candidate A is now ahead of Candidate B while Candidate C is toast.

Instead, CNN, Fox and other the networks brought us an unending number of panels of people–most of whom I’d never heard of–telling me what it meant when Candidate A forged ahead of Candidate B.

I thought it meant that Candidate A currently had more votes. Since NCIS was pre-empted for this information, thought, “Dang, these panels that are shooting the breeze about what the night’s totals and trends mean better be good.”

Instead, they found one hundred ways to state the obvious:

  • “Well, Bob, what do you think Candidate X is going to do now?”
  • “Read the handwriting on the wall.”
  • “What wall is that?”
  • “The wall that says a woman can’t possibly beat two incredibly old white men with one foot in the grave.”
  • “That wall’s been around a long time.”

Was there anything new here, new enough to pre-empt Gibbs and the rest of the NCIS crew? No, there wasn’t. Who watches this stuff? I don’t. I mute the talking heads and check the voting totals from time to time.

Then I go and watch a taped episode of “Penn & Teller Fool Us” where the sleight of hand is more interesting than the candidates’ sleight of hand. And less harmful.