In an effort to reduce the amount of rampant confusion throughout the Internet, management offers the following clarifications to help you know whether you’re talking to Jock Stewart or Malcolm Campbell.

FAVORITE STATE

Jock: Inebriation
Malcolm: Montana

RELIGION

Jock: Chauvinistic Free-Range Presbyterian
Malcolm: Feminist Mystic

POLITICS

Jock: Libertarian
Malcolm: Libertarian

MARITAL STATUS

Jock: Single due to Monique and other circumstances
Malcolm: Married to former reporter

CAREER

Jock: Hardboiled, ass-kicking reporter
Malcolm: Scrambled writer

SECRET CRUSH

Jock: Ashleigh Simpson (because she looks like Monique did 20 years ago)
Malcolm: Amanda Righetti (because Ashleigh doesn’t return his calls)

CURRENTLY READING

Jock: Noir detective fiction by Linda L. Richards
Malcolm: A darned long book by Roberto Bolano

LOOKS LIKE

Jock: Viggo Mortensen on a good day
Malcolm: Clint Eastwood on a bad day

PSYCHOLOGY

Jock: Freudian, except for the whole cigar business
Malcolm: Jungian, but never on Sunday

POINT OF VIEW

Jock: People are products of their reality
Malcolm: Reality is created by people as needed

FAVORITE MOVIE

Jock: “Farewell My Lovely”
Malcolm: “The Natural”

IDENTIFIES WITH

Jock: Raymond Chandler
Malcolm: Joseph Campbell

MOTTO

Jock: You can always fool everyone
Malcolm: One begins life as a fictional character in books like “Jock Stewart and the Missing Sea of Fire”

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Upcoming Posts

OCTOBER 19/20: A discussion with author Pat Bertram about novels, quests and gangsters.

NOVEMBER: Glacier National Park’s new centennial book of stories.