Went to the dentist today. She asked where my teeth were. I took them out of my special carrying case and she was really impressed with hour sparkling clean they were.

I told her that in Florida, we scrubbed our campers’ trying pans with sand and Spanish moss and that from long experience, I’d found this combination does a good job on teeth. I told her I used to use Brillo, but didn’t like the taste of that blue soap.

She said Brillo, along with Sani-Flush, was “overkill” when it came to caring for teeth.

My mother had a problem with plaque. I inherited it without inheriting her auburn hair. That means lots of scraping at the dentist’s office. Fortunately, they use semi-automated equipment these days rather than the old fashioned chisels and sandpaper.

She remarked, as I was opening the suitcase of hundred-dollar bills I always take to doctors’ and dentists’ offices, that, “Red wine is hell on the teeth.” I said, “Look, I gave up smoking 20 or so years ago and have cut back on the coffee, but the red wine is medication.”

She offered me a complimentary glass of red Zinfandel that I didn’t turn down even though the cops are out this week looking for drunks and speeders.

So now, I hear that I’m supposed to use a soft tooth brush rather than a hardy toothbrush. I can’t keep up with the changing rules. I’m supposed to brush for twenty minutes several times a day and floss on the hour even if I’m driving. That’s worse than texting or having sex while driving, isn’t it?

Since it’s as boring in fiction as it is in “real life,” I never describe my characters bathroom habits, including brushing their teeth, in my books. That’s all TMI as far as I’m concerned. However, for the kids reading this blog (yeah, right), I want to state categorically that I’m in favor of brushing one’s teeth and having daily baths or showers. I just don’t write about that stuff in my fiction.

I’m only writing about all this now because nothing more exciting came to mind for a post.

However, I will note that if you’ve just noticed that personal hygiene is good for you and makes those around you happier, that a pressure washer isn’t recommended for use in the bathroom. Please don’t ask me to elaborate.

–Malcolm