Tag: surgery

Yes, I can see forever now (on a clear day)

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn Life6 Comments

The last post-op appointment for the cataract surgery in my left eye was today. Doc says come back in a year. Sounds good to me. I was supposed to have this surgery earlier in the year, but ended up having appendicitis surgery on the day it was scheduled. When I was in the hospital for that, they discovered the kidney cancer. But, it was early and the surgery saved me and the kidney with no post-off chemo or anything. A big scar, of course, but unless you’re psychic, you can’t see that.

No, this is not my real eye color.
No, this is not my real eye color.

I resisted cataract surgery for a long time because, quite frankly, I don’t like having surgery. Then people who’d had it said, “You know, you’re awake while they’re doing it.”

Holy crap.

The surgery was very strange. Much stranger than the appendix or the kidney surgery, but without the need for pain pills, nurses, being forced to walk down the hall before they let me out, and all that.

The last time we drove to Memphis to see family prior to the cataract surgery, I was driving and missed some turn-offs because I couldn’t read the signs. My wife said, “It’s time.” Unfortunately, I had to agree with her. Now my vision is close to perfect for distance stuff, walking around the house, knocking over liquor stores and things like that. Cheapo reading glasses are required for reading and using the PC.

I don’t know what the hell any of this has to do with writing other than it’s nice to see what I’m writing. Sure, Beethoven was too deaf to hear his own music late into his life. I can’t imagine the talent it takes to make that work. I really don’t think I want to try writing by displaying the words on my screen at 200%. That’s really tedious, but I was doing that before I had the cataract surgery.

If this post is disjointed, it’s because I’m having a glass of Scotch to celebrate not having to go back to the eye doctor for a year. I’m still trying to figure out if I can see the future without having to get out my Tarot cards.

–Malcolm

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as usual, it only hurts when I laugh

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn Life7 Comments

Seriously, do we really need so much hospital paperwork? Every few minutes or so, somebody handed my a form to sign. What’s this one for? This one is your acknowledgement that you have seen all 5,000 forms so far.

redmondOkay, now what’s this one for? This one, which as you can see is being handed to you in the middle of your surgery, is your acknowledgement that the anesthesia is doing a damn good job so far.

You gotta laugh. But if you do, it hurts.

Praise the Lord for narcotics.

The surgery was scheduled for Monday morning. Since the anesthesia was high quality, late Monday afternoon I was able to sit in a chair and eat supper. The nurse threatened me with the news that if I couldn’t climb out of bed, I wasn’t going to eat.

Don’t make me laugh.

Then she told me that I would be walking down the hall three times a day. I only walked down the hall twice because things were going so well, they gave me some more paperwork and sent me home where I promptly took a pain pill and got into bed.

The surgery went very well. The cancerous tumor was removed from my left kidney without messing up the kidney, or anything else, for that matter. The scar is probably larger than the kidney, held together with bailing wire and duct tape. It’s no laughing matter, and I’ve signed paperwork that says I’m going to keep it that way.

I do appreciate all of you who asked me–actually, my wife and/or my Facebook page–how I’m doing. That depends when you ask. If you ask 23.5 minutes after the latest pain pill, I’m doing pretty good. If more time has gone by since the latest pain pill, I staying away from anything that might remotely be funny.

Now, I think it’s time for another nap. Fortunately, I don’t laugh while dreaming.

–Malcolm

 

A huggable kidney for my upcoming surgery

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn Life6 Comments

kidneySince I don’t know anything about huggable stuff, it never occurred to me there would be a huggable kidney out there “when urine love.” One of these showed up as a surprise package from my daughter, her husband and my granddaughters today to help me prepare for and get through next monday’s kidney surgery.

Much appreciated because it will come in handy whenever the pain meds start wearing off.

However, since I think the hospital might mix this up with one of my real kidneys, I’m saving this for home use only. Not sure that my calico cat will allow this in the bed, but we’ll see.

So far, my research has shown that real kidneys don’t have eyes, feet, and stuff, but we’ll let that slide.

This is going to come in handy.

–Malcolm