Sunday Shatterings -Stormy, Stevie, CNN, Tropical Fish, &c.

You will be happy to know that I’m running out of relevant titles for posts that rhyme with natterings and clatterings and will soon think up better titles.

I’m wondering today when you lost your innocence. (That’s a rhetorical question.) I don’t necessarily mean in the backseat of a car at a drive-in theater while a Godzilla movie was playing on a screen that was barely visible through the fogged up windows. I’m talking about larger issues.

  • Wikipedia art work.

    Since today is Mother’s Day, perhaps it’s fair to say that my world was shattered when I learned that my mother didn’t know everything. She came up to me one time when I was home for a visit from college and said, “Malcolm, I don’t know why you decided to start smoking.” The world moved. How could she not know? I thought she would know before I knew.

  • Many years earlier, I was reading one of those books most of us hide under the mattress and discovered that people had sex pretty much the same way the tropical fish in my aquariums had sex. Okay, well, it doesn’t usually happen while swimming, but otherwise. . . (I’d been told that God simply sent people a baby when he thought they were ready.)
  • On any given day, many newsworthy events happen. My faith in the news media is shattered when–instead of reporting that news–they’re showing panels of talking, and biased “experts” who are telling us what some news event from weeks ago actually means. Frankly (for example), I don’t care about Stormy Daniels and don’t know why she’s getting so much air time. Okay, of course I know why: ratings.
  • Since I ran out of fresh reading material, I picked up a romance novel that has been on our shelves for 32 years. I don’t know where it came from, but I’d never read it. It’s called Through a Glass Darkly. Everyone in the book is obsessed with sex. How boring is that?!
  • Every issue of AARP Magazine ends with the pictures of five or six well known people who are still attractive, busy and successful in spite of being old. Gosh, Stevie Nicks is 70 and Mich Albom and Michelle Pfeiffer are 60. How do these things happen?
  • In other news, I made a pot roast this week that came out okay, my wife and I mowed the yard, and I am getting near the ending of Lena, the third novel in my Florida Folk Magic Series. CNN didn’t cover any of this because they were still talking about Stormy Daniels.

Malcolm

Dear Hertz, about that smoke-scented car

Dear Hertz,

My answer to this question is "no" since Hertz isn't enforcing the policy by penalizing customers who smoke in the cars.

My answer to this question is “no” since Hertz isn’t enforcing the policy by penalizing customers who smoke in the cars.

About that smoke-scented car from the Baltimore airport we rented on January 20th , it doesn’t really help to try and perfume away the smell left in a car left by the last user who apparently smoked like a chimney in spite of the DON’T THE HELL SMOKE STICKER.

Frankly, we think you should have charged that person more for ruining the car interior for future customers; then you could have given those of us who are allergic to cigarette smoke a debate.

When we rented a “no smoking car” we thought that meant the car wouldn’t smell like smoke. What do you think?

Blizzard rebate?

Blizzard rebate? (Rental car on left.)

On the plus side (health-wise) our allergies didn’t kick in as badly as they usually do because Jonas descended on the greater Baltimore area where we were visiting family and we couldn’t drive the car much at all because: (a) we couldn’t see the road, (b) the cops were giving tickets to people driving in the blizzard, (c) the car was blocked in the parking lot for several days.

Since Baltimore and Washington, D.C. had ample warning about the impending storm of the century, it would have helped if the car had been equipped with studded snow tires and a plough.

Do we get a blizzard rebate?

Just wondering,

Malcolm

P.S. When we asked your desk clerk how to get from the airport’s offsite car rental facility to the Interstate, his directions sent us into a fantasy world with streets nobody’s ever heard of.