Where have all the reviewers gone?

Small press and self-published authors have noticed over the past year or so that their books are getting fewer and fewer reader reviews on Amazon and B&N. Meanwhile, the big books that don’t need any reader reviews to survive, often have a thousand or so people saying they loved the book. Here is my response:

Meh, too much trouble.

Where have all the reviewers gone, long time passing?
Where have all the reviewers gone, long time ago?
Where have all the reviewers gone?
Big books have picked them everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?

Where have all the big books gone, long time passing?
Where have all the big books gone, long time ago?
Where have all the big books gone?
Gone for big publishers everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?

Where have all the big publishers gone, long time passing?
Where have all the big publishers gone, long time ago?
Where have all the big publishers gone?
Gone for conglomerates everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?

Where have all the conglomerates gone, long time passing?
Where have all the conglomerates gone, long time ago?
Where have all the conglomerates gone?
Gone for Amazon everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?

Where has Amazon gone, long time passing?
Where has Amazon gone, long time ago?
Where has Amazon gone?
Gone for a billion other products everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?

Where have the billion products gone, long time passing?
When have the billion products gone, long time ago?
Where have the billion products gone?
Gone for a monopoly everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?

Where, then, have the small presses gone, long time passing?
Where have the small presses gone, long time ago?
Where have the small presses gone?
Gone to graveyards, nearly everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?

Where have all the graveyards gone?
Where have all the graveyards gone, long time ago?
Where have all the graveyards gone?
Gone to amnesia everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?

Where have all the reviewers gone, long time passing?
Where have all the reviewers gone, long time ago?
Where have all the reviewers gone?
The void has picked them everyone.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?

Copyright © 2019 by Malcolm R. Campbell

Malcolm R. Campbell is the author of the comedy/satire Special Investigative Reporter.

Best Books of the Century (already!)

The Guardian has already come out with a list of the best books of the 21st century. (Dazzling debut novels, searing polemics, the history of humanity and trailblazing memoirs … Read our pick of the best books since 2000).

Er, isn’t it a bit early for such pronouncements?

I’m not surprised to see this, for every year, everyone and their brother comes out with a best books of the year list about August or September–like no books are published in the fall that could possibly be worthy of consideration. (I’ll spare you my usual rant about that practice.)

Looking at the past ten years, I think they’ve got a fair number of great books. Needless to say, they consider major publishers and let the rest of the industry’s output go unmentioned.

Yet, for a list like this, maybe they should have waited until 2050 for a look of the best books so far as of that point.

Malcolm

Malcolm R. Campbell is the author of Eulalie and Washerwoman, a 1950s struggle between a conjure woman and a man who runs a gambling operation called policy.

The novel is available in e-book, audiobook, paperback, and hardback.