Retirement, maybe

My father who was a college dean and author worked into his 70s. Now, I’m doing the same thing even though I haven’t taught a college course for years, opting to rely on money saved during my successful years in the gigolo business to help make ends meet. There are, of course, writers older than I am who don’t have the resources from a shady past to supplement their literary output.

When I was in his school, I looked at the careers of Salinger, Elison, Bradbury, Ginsberg, Rand, and others and told people that’s what I wanted to do after I graduated from college. Most of them laughed. Now, years later, I see why they did even though then and now I don’t see that laugh as very supportive.

I view the notion of retirement as the time in a person’s life when s/he stops doing what s/he was passionate about for most of his/her life. S/he ends up with no salary, few benefits, and ends up moving into a home where everyone eats jello three times a day. There was nothing exciting about that kind of life, so retirement seemed like a silly thing to do unless you had a lot of stolen wealth hidden in offshore accounts to pay for a big-ass RV and a lifetime of driving around from one scenic tourist destination to another.

That doesn’t excite me either, though I think the odds have gotten pretty slim that I’m suddenly going to be the next James Patterson. So, I think about just stopping writing books and spending my days reading. Everyone has to think about this sooner or later unless they’re Tom Clancy who keeps churning out books even though he’s been dead since 2013. Maybe that cap he wears in his author’s picture is magic and allows him to submit manuscripts from “the other side.”

I used to have a cap like that but during the dark days of Vietnam, I traded it for a pack of cigarettes.

Of course, I might still get a call from Oprah’s book club.

My bookshelves have an infinite number of books, so if I want to retire, I’ve got enough stuff to read to last me, well, forever.

Malcolm

Has Oprah called yet?

Me: Has Oprah called yet?
Publisher: No, but I hear she’s been busy this week.

While this version of Has Hollywood called? or Did we get anything back from the New York Times? is an on-going joke, it represents the secret hope of many writers.

metroWe hope somebody influential will see our manuscript or finished book and show it to somebody else who will take it to the right people and, voila! it’s suddenly being turned into a movie with Oscar Buzz surrounding it.

Years ago, I sent Writer’s Digest Magazine a terse letter about their featured profiles of “writers who have made it.” I haven’t read the magazine for years, but at that time, it was filled with how-to articles and tips covering everything from writing well, to creating a query letter to finding an agent or a publisher. These articles represented, I think, the best thinking at the time about turning one’s wont to write into a published novel.

oprahMost issues also featured a writer who was finally published. These profiles pointed out that the writer spent years perfecting his or her craft, revising and editing and rewriting and then went onto their saga of query letters and rejection slips and never giving up hope. That is, they dutifully followed all the magazine’s directions for success.

Then, near the end of the article, something magical happened. An agent happened to move in next door, a famous writer stopped by the house at a garage sale, somebody in the publishing biz was looking in dumpsters and found a coffee-stained draft of the novel and, voila, the writer was discovered.

After reading these profiles for years, I finally got fed up because every one of them ended with a magical event of some kind. Following the magazine’s how-to articles might have helped the writers become prepared for the magic. But none of them showed a writer succeeding without being rescued, found, discovered or stumbled over by an publishing angel who could make things happen.

Writer’s Digest never responded to my letter.

WDcoverThe results of the magazine’s approach are probably similar to the results of many biographies and feature articles about now-famous writer who were discovered by somebody sometime.

We’ve all been brainwashed into thinking that without being discovered, our books will never reach the New York Times Bestseller list. (Actually, that might be true.)

We’ve been taught to follow the best and the brightest of the gurus of the day when it comes to writing well, building a platform, paying for a good editor, promoting our books, getting interviewed and going on blog tours and heading to one convention of another.

Yeah, I’ll do all that. But secretly I know that nothing will happen until Oprah calls and the world turns on its axis causing my publisher to say, “MGM says they’re ready to rock and roll.

–Malcolm

KIndle cover 200x300(1)Malcolm R. Campbell is the author of “Conjure Woman’s Cat,” a novella set in the Jim Crow era of the Florida Panhandle that features Eulalie battling the KKK with folk magic.