Seriously, do we really need so much hospital paperwork? Every few minutes or so, somebody handed my a form to sign. What’s this one for? This one is your acknowledgement that you have seen all 5,000 forms so far.

Okay, now what’s this one for? This one, which as you can see is being handed to you in the middle of your surgery, is your acknowledgement that the anesthesia is doing a damn good job so far.

You gotta laugh. But if you do, it hurts.

Praise the Lord for narcotics.

The surgery was scheduled for Monday morning. Since the anesthesia was high quality, late Monday afternoon I was able to sit in a chair and eat supper. The nurse threatened me with the news that if I couldn’t climb out of bed, I wasn’t going to eat.

Don’t make me laugh.

Then she told me that I would be walking down the hall three times a day. I only walked down the hall twice because things were going so well, they gave me some more paperwork and sent me home where I promptly took a pain pill and got into bed.

The surgery went very well. The cancerous tumor was removed from my left kidney without messing up the kidney, or anything else, for that matter. The scar is probably larger than the kidney, held together with bailing wire and duct tape. It’s no laughing matter, and I’ve signed paperwork that says I’m going to keep it that way.

I do appreciate all of you who asked me–actually, my wife and/or my Facebook page–how I’m doing. That depends when you ask. If you ask 23.5 minutes after the latest pain pill, I’m doing pretty good. If more time has gone by since the latest pain pill, I staying away from anything that might remotely be funny.

Now, I think it’s time for another nap. Fortunately, I don’t laugh while dreaming.

–Malcolm