Tag: family

When a cousin we hardly knew died without a will, the State of Oregon tracked us down

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn family, writing

Mostly, she ignored our side of the family. Old family films and photographs show us playing together during our preschool years.  Afterward, little or nothing.

I’ll refer to her as G.

G probably shopped in this plaza

I never knew where G was or what she was doing. She wanted it this way for reasons I’ll never know. Now the State of Oregon has found my two brothers and me while looking for relatives, notably one who lives in or near Ashland who could handle the estate. Fortunately, an Oregon relative turned up and agreed to handle an estate that consists mainly of household items and a car.

I have no idea what happened to G’s husband.

I feel like a voyeur. I don’t want to know about her now because when G was alive, she didn’t want me to know her then. In a sporadic letter to one of my brothers, she once informed us that our favorite aunt had passed away months before. To me, this kind of slap-dash approach to family was unconscionable.

So, when I did know something, I was usually ticked off.

Now I’m suddenly an heir and that ticks me off, too.  I want to remain just as anonymous as she was.  I don’t want to see an accounting of the personal items in her house or the loose change in the glove compartment of her car.

Or maybe there will be a 1960s letter from my mother in a box in the attic. If so, it will be friendly and chatty, ending with “Why don’t you ever write?”

G never answered that question. If the answer lurks within the confines of G’s estate, I don’t want to hear it now.  Hearing that G died was more than I wanted to know. Is that cold? If so, I’m slow to forgive.

–Malcolm

Spoilt Turkey

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn Thanksgiving, writing

“USDA recommends using cooked turkey within 3 to 4 days, kept refrigerated (40°F or less). Refrigeration slows but does not stop bacterial growth. Turkey can be frozen for 3 to 4 months. Although safe indefinitely, frozen leftovers can lose moisture and flavor when stored for longer times in the freezer.” – USDA

As far as I know, the USDA guidelines don’t include the presence of toxic friends or relatives.

I’ve been lucky. Most of my Thanksgiving holidays have been in the good to great range.

However, some people think Groucho Marx was more on target when he said, “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. Unfortunately, this wasn’t it.”

(There may be wisdom in the belief there’s a reason we don’t see these people more than once a year.)

We visualize this Norman Rockwell picture as the Thanksgiving we expect (from a 1943 Saturday Evening Post article.) He called the painting “Freedom from Want.” That freedom is among the blessings we celebrate when we gather with friends and relatives around our Thanksgiving tables.

Unfortunately, the turkey may be spoilt before the cook has time to pick up his/her fork (to signify the meal can begin) when one or more people think the feast is a site for open warfare. Today, in our polarized country, the subject is often politics.  This plays out when an arrogant know-it-wall castigates those at the table who don’t share his/her views.  This kind of “chewing out” has no place at the table set for blessings and fellowship. But it happens and often tears families apart.

To what end?

–Malcolm

Everybody knows everybody here, so a drowning brings out all the neighbors

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn Life2 Comments

A steady line of cars has come and gone at the house across the road where the parents of the 34-year-old man who drowned in a nearby lake yesterday live. The son died on his father’s birthday and his daughter-in-law’s child’s birthday.

Lake Allatoona, GA.

We don’t know them well, but well enough to know the news and that the family gathered at the son’s house last night and told stories into the night.

Now, nothing will never be the same. Those who remain seem to bear the brunt of a family member’s death, for they are still here and have to cope with it, settle all that needs to be settled–his house, his company, his will, all he left behind.

I cannot imagine a parent celebrating his/her own birthday again with this tragedy inscribed on the date. My brother and his wife lost their son to suicide and they make sure they are never home on that sad anniversary. Our neighbors might end up doing the same thing, avoiding everything that reminds them of yesterday afternoon.

As weekends go, the Labor Day weekend holds its share of accidents and other tragedies. For the most part, we don’t know those whom we lost. Today, I know his name and his parents’ names. He was a great guy, folks are saying, and I don’t doubt them. I didn’t know him but I think it’s sad that he’s gone. I worry about his family most of all and how they will move forward. I hope they can.

–Malcolm

 

A perfect Thanksgiving dinner on the first try

On By Malcolm R. CampbellIn Life2 Comments

When we visited my daughter and her family in Maryland for Thanksgiving this year, we enjoyed side trips to Mt. Vernon and historic Alexandria. We especially liked the candlelight tour of Mt. Vernon.

But the surprise was the fact that my daughter’s husband decided that since he’d never cooked a Thanksgiving dinner before, he’d give it a try. He didn’t start out with a family recipe box or a tradition that’s passed down from parents to children every year so that one kind of knows how to fix the dinner from having watched others doing it.

Instead, he began with the Internet and (apparently) Googled how to cook a turkey, make candied yams, prepare an icebox cake, and create the side dishes. I probably would have used my mother’s old recipe books because, while I’ve found some great recipes on the Internet, I’ve noticed that some of the versions between one site and another have vastly different cooking times and oven temps; so, if you didn’t more or less know how to cook something, it would be hard to roll the dice with one version or another.

Frankly, I thought he looked like a mad scientist in the kitchen co-ordinating all the parts of the meal. And keeping things warm after they came out of the oven. (My mother had a double oven, so she had an easy way to keep multiple things hot.) But he juggled things in an out of the microwave and kept them covered.

The dinner was perfect. I told him that if he gets tired of his office job, he could probably sign on as a chef at a five-star Michelin restaurant.

The best thing was seeing family. With two granddaughters, they change so much every year it’s hard to keep up. And, I’m thinking that they have a good role model in a father who knows how to use the kitchen and then clean it up after the meal.

I hope your Thanksgiving was a good one as well.

—Malcolm

Malcolm R. Campbell is the author of “Lena,” “Eulalie and Washerwoman,” and “Conjure Woman’s Cat.”